When Jenny was pregnant with Lila, we stopped going out as much and started making meals more often than we go to restaurants. Quiet Friday nights in were becoming more the norm and they were usually filled with anticipation of Lila and some sort of baby planning. We bought baby clothes online and just enjoyed the thought of our family doing this after Lila was born. Now these quiet nights are torture. We sit on the couch, just the two of us. We sometimes imagine Lila sleeping during times like this and picture that perfect life. I try to look forward at times but I don't get very far. The road ahead seems never ending and lonely. Right now it feels like there is nothing in life to look forward to. Before Lila was born, I was already thinking of some of the things that Lila and I were going to do for Jenny on Mother's day and how happy of a day it was going to be. Now days like this and basically all holidays bring more pain and every Mother's Day commercial on TV is another dagger. Everything reminder of how close we were to having the perfect baby and perfect life that we wanted so badly. - Mike