There is a new Target that opened close to our house in March of this year. I remember finding out about this during the pregnancy and being excited to have a store so close. I would take Lila there to get things that she might need at the last minute, like extra diapers or baby shampoo or a new dress or something like that. I pictured myself going to this Target with her as one of the first places we would go together while Mike was at work. We would start off with going to low key places like Target and then ease our way into going everywhere else. We have not been to this Target at all until last night.

It was fine walking in there actually. No babies around to torture me and it was pretty quiet. That is until we walked by the area where they sell all of the baby things. It suddenly hit me that a few months ago we would go to a Target or any shopping place and walk right over to that section devoted to babies. We would look at things for Lila, maybe buy her a hat or a new outfit, walk around with all the other pregnant people and babies around us. Now we can't even look at that area and walk by it as quickly as possible.

It feels that we were once part of a club that we no longer belong to. We were in that club of preparing for your child, buying them things, waiting for them to arrive, planning out your lives together. We were in this club of expectant parents who are supposed to wait 9 months for a baby and then bring that baby home with them for the rest of their lives. We were happy and anticipating our little girl who would bring us a lifetime of happiness and then sharing her with everyone else in our lives. Now that is all gone.

I cant even walk into Target, or most places for that matter, without the reminder of that blaring in my face. Maybe we will be a part of that "club" of parents again one day, maybe not. Either way it doesn't really matter, we should have had the chance to take Lila to Target someday and we now we never can and it does not make any sense.