Tomorrow is Halloween and also Lila's 9 month birthday. We should have a nine month old here with us, the whole thought is just so surreal considering where we are now. We had talked a lot about how we would dress up Lila as a rabbit for Halloween. We even picked out this pink bunny costume for her and had all intentions of buying it when she was here. Mike was dressed up as a rabbit by his parents, haha, when he was little and so was I. So we figured it would make sense to dress Lila up as one too. Mike was going to dress up as a carrot and take her trick or treating. We talked a lot about this and how fun it would have been.

Tomorrow is going to bring up a lot of triggers and "what should have beens" for us. We were going to go out to eat and to a movie to avoid Halloween completely. Then we decided that we did not want to do that and we would just stay home and turn off the lights. Then we figured that sitting here in the dark and avoiding it wasn't going to help either. So we thought we would try. Mike bought candy and we will give it out and hopefully no babies dressed up as pink rabbits come to our door. If something is too upsetting for us we will just call it a night and turn off the light. Hopefully we only get kids over the age of three as there are not many little ones on our street. I guess this shows that we are trying. Lila would have been the cutest rabbit of all time.