I feel like the world around us has forgotten about Lila. I knew this was going to happen but I didn't want it to. I do have to stress that it is not everyone. I know that those of you who read this blog regularly remember Lila and I'm sure there are others as well. But on somedays it feels like most of our world has forgotten about Lila and forgot that we lost our sweet angel in the most traumatic way.
Lila would have been 8 months old and life would have been so good. I'm not naive to think that every minute would have been glorious. I'm sure I would have been irritated and complained about little things but I would have been so happy to watch Lila grow and spend my time with her. There is the saying that actions speak louder than words. So do inactions. We were overwhelmed with support in the weeks following Lila's death, it was so very touching. Now that people have seemingly moved on with their lives and our support has waned, it only highlights how lonely life really is. Jenny and I have a great relationship but we are always missing the greatest part of our relationship. Our family will always be missing a person. I think this is why having support is so important when you lose a child. This loneliness will never go away and as support dwindles, the loneliness is amplified.
I spoke about actions and inactions above and the things people do or forget to do have greatly impacted and upset us at times. Following Jenny on Instagram and then unfollowing a day later is an example of this because it makes us think you did it because of all the pictures about Lila and grief. I look at every relationship in my life differently now as compared to before Lila died. Lila's death has forever changed us and I think we expected our relationships with people change as well. We need more from people now than we ever did but the reality of the situation is that most of our relationships are the same as they were before, simply not good enough. Again I want to stress to the babyloss community that has been very supportive and to those who have been helpful to us that I am not talking about you. You all have been great. But like I said, some days we just feel so incredibly alone. As the holidays approach, this feeling only gets exacerbated. We miss Lila so much and this wasn't just a baby dying, our lives and worlds have been crumbling ever since. - Mike