31st of the Month

Yesterday, Lila would have turned 19 months.  It was one of those days where I noticed her absence more than other days.  Holidays, changing of seasons and meaningful dates are all times where we miss Lila more than others.  The 31st of any month is one of those days.  I was 31 when Lila was born, Jenny turned 31 a few days after she was born and she surprised us by being born on the 31st of January instead of February as we were convinced she would be.  That number has a significant meaning for us and since we don't encounter it every month, the emotional response to it has more time to build up.  The day never surprises us but how strongly we miss her sometimes it does.  Eve does an amazing job of bringing joy into our lives and maybe this is part of the reason why sometimes the grief can feel stronger than on most days.  One of our good friends, who is on a similar journey as us, said that they grieve less after having their second baby but when they do grieve, it is more intense.  This is a great way of summing up how you can experience great joy and grief at the same time. - Mike