The sun rises

Today was one of those nice days after weeks and weeks of cold weather.  I obviously enjoy the nice weather but did't think I was ready for it.  Lila was born in the winter on a blistery cold snowy day and when she died the weather was very similar.  As each day passes, I know that sooner or later the weather will warm up for good and spring will come.  What bothers me is that as we move away from winter, we move away from when Lila was here.  Sometimes I find myself feeling like I don't know Lila and that the pictures we have up are of someone else's baby.  I then get angry that I had these thoughts and remember that for those eight days, Jenny and I knew more about her than anyone.  I guess the root of the problem is that I won't get to see Lila grow up and do all the things that kids do and I won't get to know her better than I already do.

I went for a run today, 3 miles, and I was reminded of how out of shape I am.  I thought about Lila a lot and was going back and forth between being angry and thinking about what we could still do for her.  But I also was reminded what a nice day can do.  It was refreshing, the sun made me feel good and I remembered how much I enjoyed watching golf on TV.  Jenny and I still have ups and downs and we will continue to do so for a long while but what I took away from today was that things will continue to come along and lift us up, if only for a moment.  I like to associate these moments with Lila helping us through the rough days. - Mike