Exercise...or lack thereof

While pregnant with Lila I gained 24 lbs. I did not gain any weight at all in the first trimester, some in the second, and as expected most in the third. I wouldn't have cared if I gained 50 pounds, I loved being pregnant too much to care. I never gave a second thought to losing the weight either, I did not care as long as I had Lila, the weight would come off eventually. I ran before I was pregnant so I was sure I would use our running stroller and take her with me as I slowly got back into the sport. 

So now that I don't have Lila, I don't have any need or desire to lose the weight at all. I must be one of very few people who just had a baby and does not want to lose the weight. The extra pounds are something that still connect me to the pregnancy and to Lila. I do not see myself ever wanting to get rid of the pounds.


Mike has asked me a few times to go on a walk and to get some exercise. I know I should be exercising, but its the whole concept of getting out there again that is so unappealing to me. Even something as small as going on a walk has so many connections to Lila. We walked a lot while I was pregnant, I should be walking with her in her stroller. What would I think about on this walk now, Lila of course. Every day is a constant battle to wake up and get out of bed and I cannot imagine purposely doing something where I know I would be thinking about her and how she is not here with us. 

I also do not believe much of anything related to health issues either. Who really cares about exercising. Everyone said I was healthy and the pregnancy was healthy so Lila would get here healthy. Here I am still healthy and she is not here. - Jenny