I find myself getting pretty angry a lot of the time. Angry for the obvious reason, that Lila died and should still be with us. But I think the other reason is that I feel that most people in this world take life for granted. I'm not really talking about people we know but more about just people I see out in public. I see people interacting with their kids and I sometimes see them get looks of annoyance for having to deal with them. I want to walk up to them and tell them that my daughter died and to appreciate what they have because it can get stolen at any minute. I just get the feeling that the people that I randomly come into contact with have no idea how bad things can really get and how lucky they really are.
When I'm in public, at the grocery store or going to work, I have a scowl on my face that has to be noticeable to people. I don't go out of my way to see or talk to people and want to get in and out of places as quickly as possible, to spare myself from seeing something I'd rather not. Like when I went to the grocery store this weekend and the first thing I saw was what looked like a teenager with her mom. She turned around and had a baby girl hanging from a baby carrier. Perfect. We had one similar for Lila and I told Jenny that I would proudly carry Lila in that wherever we went. The worst thing about the grocery store is that you usually see the same people over and over again and you make your way through the departments, which is what happened here. I get angry when I see people living the life that Jenny and I should have had with Lila. You can call it bitterness or jealousy, which it probably is, but Lila should have gotten a chance to live and experience everything we were going to show her. - Mike