I was talking at work with someone today talking about how we are dealing with everything. I was explaining to him how our definition of normal has now been forever changed. Having a 6 month old Lila sleeping upstairs should be our normal but that world is gone. Someone said to me before that we will get back to the people we once were. That couldn't be farther from the truth.
When Lila died, our world as we knew it was destroyed into a million pieces. We are trying to pick up the pieces but we won't be able to put them back together the same way as before and there will always be holes in it. Everything has a new definition to it. The bars for determining if something is good or bad have both been lowered. Before when I went running, it would be a good run if I went a certain distance or beat a certain time. Now it's a victory when I get out the door to actually go running. Just as having Lila in our lives was going to make everything that much better, not having her makes everything that much worse.
Sometimes it's a good day if Jenny and I do more laughing about thinking what Lila would be doing in certain situations. For example, I feel like Lila wouldn't care that I haven't shaved in a week but Jenny thinks Lila would hate my week old beard, which she's probably right. Bad days always show their face and can bear the full weight of the loss of Lila. But this is just another of the endless pieces we have to pick up and doing so will eventually bring us to a better place (I hope). - Mike