I find that waking up in the morning is one of the saddest parts of my day. Every morning I wake up when Mike is at work and I expect someone else to be there. I expect Lila to be needing me.

It is true what they say that when you first wake up there is a brief moment where you feel like this did not really happen. That my baby is sleeping in her room and I am going to have to go get her. She might be still sleeping and I might have to wake her up to get our day started. Or she might already be awake just looking around her room and making noises. She might be crying and I would go in there and pick her up and she would stop once she was not alone anymore. This is not the case for us though and we never got to have these moments with Lila.

During the pregnancy I talked to her all of the time in the morning. I asked her how her night went or if she slept well. I liked to poke my stomach to get her moving and I would not get out of bed until she kicked at least once. Lila was a little lazy baby though and did not kick on a very good schedule so sometimes she needed a lot of poking prodding to get moving, but she always did eventually.

I just miss her so very much, I just wanted to hold her little hand forever.