So here is a picture of our first house. We got the keys last Friday and are doing some work on it before we move in. Like I said in an earlier post, we are experiencing both highs and lows with this house. We are grateful to have found this house and glad that everything went relatively smooth throughout the whole process. The house has also been a good distraction for us since it does need some work. But just the two of us are moving in. Instead of showing a picture of the three of us, we have a picture of a Lila stone in front of the house. We always envisioned our first home to be with Lila in tow. We knew the house would come after Lila did but not like this. We still struggle to find a way through each day.

When we are working on the house, there are times each day that we stop and look around, and we still can't get over how ridiculous our life is right now. About how ridiculous it is that Lila is not moving into the house with us. We picture Lila a little older running around in the yard and playing in the driveway with neighbors. I picture Lila sitting in the back patio watching me mow the grass and laughing as I throw rocks and sticks at the deer that won't stop eating our plants.

I hesitate to think about how nice it will be to move in once all the work is done because I can't use words like nice, good and enjoyable about our lives right now because the gaping hole in our hearts from Lila's death hasn't gotten any smaller. I know there will be a point when we can allow joy back into our lives but I do not know how do get to that point. Whenever I try to figure it out, it just seems like that point is years down the road and maybe it is. Until that point, I will be working on the (already) endless lists of projects that Jenny has lined up for me on Pinterest. - Mike