Not knowing what she would do next

We were talking today about Lila's unpredictable behavior while I was pregnant with her and how much we miss it. Unpredictable in a good way of course, she was always making us guess what she would do next. She did not start kicking me really hard until the day I was exactly 20 weeks pregnant, she kicked so hard that even Mike got to feel it that day. Of course she never did it hard enough again for him to feel for another five or so weeks. She liked to play games with him.

During her 19 week anatomy scan she started peeing during the ultrasound. The tech told us that was the first time she had ever seen a baby do that and it was pretty hilarious. You could see everything right there on the screen as a little stream of urine went around her. The tech said it was pretty obvious that her kidneys were working properly and we had nothing to worry with that.

Some days she would kick all day long. Other days she would kick a ton for an hour or so and then be pretty quiet for another four hours. The doctors always said to watch for her patterns to make sure she was okay, but I always told them that she did not have a pattern. She kicked when she wanted. Got the hiccups all the time on some days and not at all on other days. And sometimes responded to outside noises and sometimes could care less.

Lila's personality was strong and showed itself all during the pregnancy. She was stubborn yet calm and active yet playful. How can this baby not be here with us? How did this happen? -Jenny