On the Carly Marie Project Heal website (http://carlymarieprojectheal.com) I read about the Prayer Flag Project that is on today August 19th. You are to make a flag in honor of your child who has died and use the time to reflect on your grief and heal. I told Mike that we should do this as I like to do anything I can to honor and remember Lila. I thought about going to the craft store and buying all sorts of things to make a elaborate and huge flag and then I would buy a flag pole and hang it out front for everyone to see. I kept thinking I would do all of this but as the day got closer and closer I just never brought myself to do it. I have found August to be an incredibly difficult and sad month for many reasons and I just felt that doing this project might just make me more upset.
Today though I woke up early and since Evie was still sleeping I felt like I wanted to do something for Lila. I found a pink and white blanket I had bought for her shortly after we found out she was a girl and I thought it was so perfect for this project. Plus the blanket is very special to me as she did get to use it a few times and I always thought it was so pretty. I realized that for me I wanted to put Lila's things on the blanket to represent our prayer flag. Any chance I can get to go through Lila's things is helpful for me as sad as it is as well. I started to gravitate toward the items that had her name on it. I think that is one of the reasons I have been having a hard time lately, I do not see Lila's name enough, hear it enough, or have a reason to say it enough. Her name is everything to me and there were so many hopes and dreams for her with that name. I did find that making this little blanket flag was peaceful and calming and even though it was not as elaborate as one I had imagined making earlier, it feels right. I hung it out in the backyard so that I could see it more during the day and I love how the wind slowly blows it on our porch. If the weather was as nice as it is today all the time maybe I would hang out a flag for Lila year round.