Spring is a hard time in this journey after losing Lila. For us it is the season that follows Lila's birthday season of winter. Last year I remember thinking that since spring was here Lila really was not coming home, because she was due in the winter, not the spring. No more Lila snow and no more coldness. A fellow baby loss mom said to me that for her it feels like spring is a time of growth and her baby is never going to get to grow up, which I felt resonated as well. There were a few days last week that just felt unbearable and I cried more than the past two months. Lila would have been 14 months old on March 31st. She should be here walking and talking and her own little personality would be shining through. She's not here and we still don't really understand why. What happened? She was healthy, she looks healthy, why isn't she here? It certainly doesn't get any easier with time, different yes, but not easier. The changing weather is just another trigger that time goes on and she should be here doing so many new things and she's just not.