We've mentioned this before but there are many layers to our grieving. One thing that goes unnoticed is that I don't get to talk about Lila. People always ask me how we are doing and how Jenny is holding up but no one asks about Lila. I realize that people don't want to bring it up because they are worried about upsetting me or that they don't want to cross the wrong boundary but I could talk about Lila all day. She was perfect, she's all I want to talk about. I want people to ask about her weird but sweet looking hair pattern and how she had the cutest lips that a newborn has ever had. I want to talk about how her 28 week 3D ultrasound is the spitting image of her as a newborn. I'm a proud father and this is just another part of life that was stolen away from us. She lived 8 days but I could talk for hours about those days.
Nothing about going through losing your baby is easy, let alone your first and only baby. We have been in such a baby focused world for the better part of the last year and now we have to actively shield ourselves from that world because it is still so upsetting. We want to be back in that pink world where Lila is resting peacefully in her crib. Our world now sometimes seems like she never existed. Talking about Lila and the cute things that she did while she was still here comforts me and helps me get through the day. I get so angry about so many things now-a-days that all stem from losing Lila. I just want my baby back so that she can make this all better. She's the only one who can make things better. - Mike