I was sitting at my desk at work and turned around to look out the window because I needed a distraction and falling from the sky was the gentle, light Lila Snow that we haven't seen since last winter. I texted Jenny to let her know that it was snowing at work and she said "same here, sigh." After reading the "sigh" I flashed back to the night that Lila died. We were driving in the car, after just leaving the Children's Home where Lila passed. I still remember Jenny mentioning how pretty the snow was that night and that it must be from Lila. That was the first time that we saw Lila Snow.
I usually feel good whenever I see Lila Snow because I like to think that she is reaching out to us and I feel close to her but today was different. Maybe it was because it was the first snow of the year which made me think of the first time we saw it. Perhaps it is another reminder of the upcoming holidays that give us such anxiety. I think a big part of it has to do with beginning another winter without Lila. When I was remembering that car ride while at work, I thought to myself, "how could something so pretty have been born on such a tragic night." I didn't like the idea of something being born on the night Lila died, but maybe this beautiful event that happens several times every winter is a great coping mechanism especially during such a difficult time of year for us. It can surprise us and It is something that we can connect with. We wouldn't have this yearly connection with Lila if we didn't see that first Lila snow that night. I like the fact that I have reminders of Lila during every winter. It makes me look forward to this time of year, even if I'm not the biggest fan of the cold. -Mike