As we go throughout the year, there have been periods of time that are harder to deal with Lila's loss than others.  I've realized that it has a lot to do with changes and significant dates.  It's easier to anticipate these more difficult periods of grief when we approach days like Mother's and Father's Day, my Birthday, holidays, etc.  But there have been other periods since Lila passed that have proven very difficult and there really wasn't any warning.  They seem to happen around periods of change in our lives, such as the changes of seasons, another death in the family or the start of a sports season.  These are difficult to deal with because those experiences would have been firsts for Lila and we would have gotten to experience those firsts with her.  We would have dressed Lila up in cute dresses in the summer, had her play in the leaves in the fall and bundle her up until she couldn't move in the winter.  She had a Pitt football cheerleader outfit and I would have forced some Ohio State apparel on her as well.  You already know she would have been the cutest bunny for Halloween.  As we approach the holiday season these again would have been firsts for Lila.  Some of the most difficult aspects of grieving the death of your child are going through these experiences alone, without them.  What should have been joyful times with Lila now have a much different meaning. - Mike