Lila as a little girl

When we knew Lila could not live on her own, we were given many different things to have as keepsakes.  We took her nail file and nail clippers.  Jenny took Lila's vaseline and still uses it every now and then.  I have Lila's hospital bracelet in my wallet and I have a heart shaped sticker on my phone that was holding her thermometer in place.  

The NICU staff also gave us clay kits to make hand and foot prints.  I keep one at work with me and I was looking at it today.  It has both her handprints and footprints.  Her feet are on the outside and her hands are in the middle.  I image Lila standing on the clay and bending over to press her hands on the clay.  I laugh at this image but then I think that Lila will never get to stand like this.  Something so simple and playful that she will never get to do.  Again today I was driving home at lunch and I go by a school on my way and saw all the kids running around during recess and I found myself picturing Lila doing the same.  Recently what has been getting me more upset is thinking about all the things that Sweet Lila was not able to do and everything that she missed out on.  I just wish she had gotten the chance to live her life.  She was such a beautiful baby with perfect little features and I miss her so much. - Mike