Today as I was walking out of work, I got a flashback to Lila's last ultrasound. I remembered sitting in the waiting room with Jenny. Lila was 36 weeks along and we were so excited to finally meet her and were anxiously waiting the day that she would come. When I think back to that time, it's one of the last times when we were a truly happy family. Since Lila was born and only lived 8 days, some can say that we were only a family for 8 days but that's not the true. We were fully invested in our family of three when we found out we were pregnant with Lila last June. From that moment, everyday was dedicated to protecting and planning for that family. The foundation of our family was built during the pregnancy and was shattered when Lila left us. I want to go back to that last ultrasound where everything was still OK and that foundation was as strong as ever. Now everyday we try to pick up one of the million pieces that our dream was shattered into. Eventually we will have picked most of them up but we will never be whole again, we will never be the same. That foundation will remain cracked and shattered. Right now the thought of being happy is so foreign because how can we be happy when Lila died? I feel that the only way that we can be happy again is if that happiness is accompanied with the lifelong grief of losing our baby. - Mike