A few things going on

I thought Id write a few random thoughts going around in my head lately... 

 *We are up to 32 states with the Lila stones, I never thought we would get more than PA, OH and NY so this is an amazing feat. Thank you for everyone who has helped us with this project, it means so much to us to see your pictures.

*If you do not have a Lila stone and would like one, let me know

*Mike and I are throwing around the idea of going to the last state to get a Lila stone picture no matter where that is. Right now we still need Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Idaho, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Washington and Wyoming. Though we do have some people who are already working on those states as we speak so we shall see which state it is!  

* We are still brainstorming what to do with Lila's Memorial Fund money. As of right now we have bought a tree in her name in Schenley Park in Pittsburgh. We want things that we can put her name on for years to come, we just do not know what the right move is yet. Plus we like the idea of doing something every year so we may take our time on it as well.  

*This house that we are living in now is a great distraction for us, but a constant reminder of the silence that lives here without Lila. There is a room for her, we can see her living here, her pictures are on the walls. All we ever wanted was to hear her crying in our home and she was so close to giving that to us. Whoever came up with the saying "silence is deafening" is very right.  

*I cannot believe people who want their baby so badly can lose him or her when people who do not want babies have them all of the time.  

*We have people lined up to come visit us in July, but I am worried about the 4th of July wknd. That is one holiday where Mike and I sat and watched fireworks last year and talked about how we'd have a baby with us this year. I am not looking forward to that holiday at all. I wish it would skip us this year.  

*I am so glad I closed out my Facebook acct. If I had to read one person complaining about their kids on there I probably would go off on them. I am also so glad I kept my Twitter acct open because it has allowed me to connect with a few really great people who sadly also have lost a baby. 

*Mike is still working part time a few days a week as he slowly eases back into full time. His work has been amazing and the kindness of his coworkers to donate vacation time to him has been unprecedented. No one knows what it is like for me to be alone and with no desire to get a job right now having Mike with me is the only thing that helps.  

*Sometimes it feels like Lila is still on her way and that this is just some bad nightmare. That I am still pregnant and she hasn't been born yet. If only that were true.