Today has been an okay kind of a day. We had some people over and grilled out on Mike's new grill. We watched the baseball game on tv and washed the cars in the driveway. Once everyone left we watched a movie and unpacked another box or two.

It is when you let your mind slip to how good it could have been that the sadness comes in. We had a bib for Lila to wear today and of course a dress which I am sure would have meant a matching bow for her hair. We remember last year and how we sat and watched fireworks from our apartment. We were lucky to be close enough to see two different displays so we didnt even have to go anywhere. We talked about how different it would be next year with a baby, how much better it would be. We sat there last year and thought of our future 4th of Julys with this new little person by our side b/c that is what we had believed was going to become our reality.

This reality we are living now is not one we wanted or one we ever saw coming. We know it is our reality but those loud fireworks outside our window dont serve as much comfort to us, only as a reminder of what should have been.