I was supposed to go back to work over two weeks ago and would come home to my happy baby and wife. Obviously things are not that way now. Today I started going back to work part time. I was worried leaving Jenny but she had made lunch plans with a friend so that left me a little at ease. I was worried about waking up at 5:15 am but I woke up, looked outside to see all the snow and called work to find out that I had a two hour delay. This never happens where I work. It definitely made my short day even shorter which I am grateful. I had a feeling Lila played a role in this and felt stronger that way as I was driving to work and saw how pretty the snow was. It was snowing on both the day Lila was born and the day she died and now we associate this pretty snow with her.
Work was able to distract me a little bit but I kept thinking about Lila and how crappy our life seems right now without her. I tried to walk quickly through the halls and each time I did I hoped no one was walking the other direction. Before Lila, I'd always say "how are you doing?" or "how's it going?" to people when they passed but now I just hate that question mostly because I don't want to answer it myself. Don't get me wrong, I like when people come and talk to me but when I take the time to think about the answer to the question "how's it going?" it upsets me because it's going awful, Lila isn't here. We just miss our baby. - Mike