This past week when I've been alone (mostly driving to and from work), I've been thinking about Lila and our experiences in the hospital. I would think about the drive to the hospital as I was timing Jenny's contractions. I thought about being in the operating room and being scared to death after hearing silence when the doc said the baby will be here in 30 seconds. I thought about the first time I saw Lila and how I couldn't believe that this beautiful baby was mine and all the hope that I had that she would get better. I remembered all the tests she had done, all the blood work and sitting in the rounds trying to learn more about Lila's condition. I vividly recall one of the worst day's of my life when the neurologist told us the worst news only hours after we had one of the most promising mornings yet. I remember the day that she died, holding her in my arms knowing that no one should ever have to experience this.
I've thought a lot about all the bad things but I forced myself to remember how beautiful Lila was, how big her lips were, how much tanner she was than Jenny and I and how comfortable I felt when I was around her. I felt so calm being her dad. It was what I was meant to do in life. We think about what Lila would be doing now and we talk about what she would have done in certain situations throughout her life. We smile and laugh at times when we think of Lila but I always get pulled back down to reality. We miss our Sweet Lila so much. - Mike