4 weeks old

Lila would have been 4 weeks old today. Since there is no 31st day in February I think she would have also been a month old. She should be here with us on this snowy day wearing her one month old onesie that I got from one of my baby showers. Today has been particularly hard. ​I got a phone call from a Pittsburgh area code that I answered, even though I have not been answering the phone lately. It was someone who said they were calling from a speech and audiology department to set up an appointment for Lila. I did not know what to say. I said that she passed away and the lady apologized and quickly hung up. But for a brief moment, I thought Lila was still here. I thought I could have said that I can bring her in anytime, I mean I am not working, my life is devoted to taking care of my baby. Taking her to appointments and spending the day with her is what we do together now while Mike is at work. It is all I ever wanted to do. -Jenny 

The Color Pink

Throughout the last few weeks everything we have done for Lila when it comes to color has been about the color pink. At her memorial service we asked everyone to wear pink in her honor and we got pink flowers and pink cookies and the tables had pink balloons and pink napkins on them. When we think of our little girl we always associate her with the color pink. Mike and I were talking today and its funny because while she was here with us I think we put her in every color, but pink. I think it was because I knew she would love pink and so I thought I had to put her in other colors to see what she thought of those too. She wore a white headband a lot while she was in the hospital and we put her in a white baby gown once. She wore her red outfit at the Childrens Home that was too big on her and we put her in her white christening outfit. My favorite outfit on her was the purple one with the gray hearts that she wore for the longest amount of time. None of these outfits were pink. I wish we would have had the time with her to figure out what colors she really liked on her own. I cant believe I will never get to see what she would have picked. I think it would have been pink. -Jenny

Obituary

I didn't want to put an obituary for Lila in the newspaper at first. I didn't want her to only be associated with death. If you google someone's name who has recently died usually the first thing that pops up is their obituary. I want Lila to be remembered as more than just her death, I wanted so much more for her. After thinking about this for awhile, Mike felt that by putting her website in the obituary that it might help to get her story out there and maybe it could reach people who we would not have been able to reach. We discussed this for a long time before deciding to write it and write it in a way that was not like your typical obituary. This is what we came up with for our baby girl. Our baby girl who we would have done anything to have with us for the rest of our lives. ​-Jenny

​​​Link to obituary

​

Ridiculous

Dealing with a tragedy such as Lila's is impossible to describe to anyone who hasn't dealt with it.  You don't really know what it feels like how it feels until it happens to you.  Jenny and I would have done anything for Lila and were so prepared to take the best care of her.  I try not to be a downer but when you read the news and you hear about a 4-year old who shot himself with his father's stolen gun, while the father is passed out on the couch after a cocaine and marijuana binge, it really makes me feel like garbage.  Our baby died for no reason and while this guy has his kid for the weekend, he leaves a gun sitting on the table.     ​

​​Link to article

​​