Party favors for a 2 year old

I wanted to find something to put at Lila's mausoleum that said "2" on it for her birthday. A sash or button or something like that. I made the mistake of searching 2 year old in the party favors section on Amazon. A million things came up of course. Hats, banners, candles, tee shirts, and so on. It was defeating. We should have a two year old and we don't. No one really knows why either. She should be laughing and yelling and running and so cute and cuddly. Who would she look like? What would she act like? The list goes on forever. I just cannot believe this reality two years later. My mind knows it happened and yet I can never fully comprehend the enormity of losing Lila. We miss her so much. 

I bought her a princess tiara with the number 2 on it. I feel like she would have liked it. 

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Antarctica

Today we got a Lila stone picture from Antarctica. Antarctica! And no it wasn't a picture from a penguin but an actually person! We now have Lila stone pictures in all seven continents. We talked about getting Antarctica but never really thought it was possible. Absolutely amazing. January is a really tough month for us and being able to say that we have a Lila stone picture in all seven continents is truly touching especially since it is so close to Lila's second birthday. Thank you to Laura and her parents for making this a reality! - Mike


January again and how you can help

I cannot believe it is January again. Lila's birthday month is here and she should be turning two soon. A two year old who would be loving and curious and running around and talking up a storm. She would be playing with her little sister and trying new things and such a great joy. 

This year feels very differently than last year and sometimes sadder at times. We are only on the 4th day of the month and each day has already brought on its own struggles. Lila's absence is felt every day by us, but now that we have Evie it becomes all the more of a reality. We not only miss the child LIla would be becoming, but we also miss the interactions she should have had with her sister. Plus its been almost two years since we last saw her, touched her, smelled her and kissed her. We are getting too far away from her. 

Plans have begun for planning Lila's 2nd birthday and what we want to do that day and the days following. It is one thing we can still do in her honor and it means so much to me. I am probably going way overboard as always, but its okay, Lila would've liked it that way. It helps me to plan things and have a goal for her and be able to do things for her. Though I do not think we will be doing sparklers this year as it was way too cold out last year! 

We ask of you that you please remember Lila on her 2nd birthday on January 31st. If you sent us a Lila stone picture last year, send one again this year. Send one now if you want or next week! Just because she is turning two this year and its not her first birthday, does not make it any easier on us. In fact I worry that it will be worse if we do not hear from people like we did last year. Send a text. Call. (Though I can't promise Ill answer that day). Email us. Anything you do will be helpful. Thank you in advance. 

 


New Years Eve

What a strange day New Years Eve is for us. It is filled with many memories, good and bad, it marks Lila's 23 month birthday this year, and it even has Eve's name in it. Which is good because Mike takes off work on all days with Evie's name in them. (There's only 2!)

New Years Eve in 2012 I was 33 weeks pregnant with Lila. I had a doctor's appointment to have a non-stress test done and it was going to be the first time I went to the doctor alone, without Mike. I remember they sat me in a quiet room and hooked me up to the machine. Lila must have known I was nervous because I could hear her heart beating right away and she kept moving around showing heart rate accelerations and decelerations, meaning that she would pass the test sooner and we could go home. I was getting a little bored and so I recorded the sound of her heart beating and sent it to Mike. I can almost hear the sound now as I type this. I would give anything to hear that sound again. 

New Years Eve in 2013 I was pregnant with Evie. I had just turned 16 weeks pregnant and we were just going in for a standard appointment. The nurse went to listen to her heartbeat with the doppler machine and she could not find it. Though Mike still swears he heard it right away. While I just proceeded to lose it and started crying and just imagined the worst. It was terrifying. The doctor said he was sure things were okay, but he wanted us to have an ultrasound anyway so we could see. Did I ever say how the doctor we had with Evie was the best doctor in the world? Because he his. So we went in for the ultrasound and there she was swimming all around. Her back was turned to the screen which probably explained why we couldn't hear the heartbeat, because she was turned around! We were supposed to find out two weeks later if she was a boy or a girl, but the tech told us right then and there that she was all girl! Mike and I couldn't believe it. Two girls. A very scary moment had turned into a most wonderful day. 

I am not sure what we will be doing this year. Like I said before it is just a strange day. The end of a wonderful year where we welcomed Eve to our family and she is the most amazing joy in our life as we get to cherish every second with her. Yet another year without Lila ends and a new one is upon us. 2015 marks two whole years without her, She is just so far away now.

We wish all of you a happy and safe 2015 and hope your holiday season was peaceful. 

Love, the Rupinsky family (Mike, Jenny, Lila and Eve)